fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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