Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
