I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't turn off my feet"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
