for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Found the puke drawer
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
