Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
