last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
