It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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