and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
