I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
