he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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