a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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