Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
