Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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