I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
