Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Never joke about your clitoris.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
