There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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