the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
