lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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