i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
