I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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