look no pants
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
