Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
