So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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