Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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