I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
