hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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