Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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