i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
