I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
