i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
