I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
