I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
