last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
In America we eat man semen.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
