Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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