Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize