I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Terrible idea I love it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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