I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
