My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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