think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
