she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
