I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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