You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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