So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
