Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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