words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
40s are totally the cure
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize