Already got asked if we're dating
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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