You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
