I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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