I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
