all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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