Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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