The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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