I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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