he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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