I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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