Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
