I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
