so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
