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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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