I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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