btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
