it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize