oh god the rape fog is back!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
