all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
