I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
