apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
