I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
