so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
