omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
