It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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