Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
