If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
pop tarts are not kleenex
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
