I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
