That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
